Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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