i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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