the day after is always just damage control
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
