I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
