Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
