you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
