So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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