Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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