I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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