So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
