Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize