She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
