can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
