I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
