I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
