Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
