we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
