Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
