i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
