I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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