sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
