is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
