This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
