Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
