New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
