So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
