That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
