You're my little dorito
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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