I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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