I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
