Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
