How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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