Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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