I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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