The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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