Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think my mom watched the whole time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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