Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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