What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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