at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
