Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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