tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
