Got a toothbrush?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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