She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
