some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
