mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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