I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
