I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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