do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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