I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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