Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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