I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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