Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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