I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
