I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
