Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
