I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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