Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
