please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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