epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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