It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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