the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize