I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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