I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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