sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
