And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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