i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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