I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
