My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
