Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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