my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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