Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
