I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
