FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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