Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
