so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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