I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
