Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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