How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
