I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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