I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
