It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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