my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize