Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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