k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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